10 Goals and Reminders to Live Wisely in the Months Ahead

Wife, mother, home-keeper, educator--these positions are what I currently hold in my family.  In whatever roles are yours right now, do you ever feel like you are backtracking in your confidence or capabilities?  I have felt that way lately.  So it's time for me to look back and recall areas about which I have found wisdom and offered advice in the past.  Ideas are easy for me, but putting them into action is what I need to make sure I do!


1.  Cultivate patience at home and fight stress creatively.

2.  Be prepared and avoid travel pitfalls on our upcoming trip north.

3.  Start writing letters again.  

4.  Sketch the outdoors.

5.  Plan simpler weekly menus.

6.  Put into practice a daily list that includes caring for my body and soul.

7.  Enjoy playing outside with my kids.

8.  Find back-to-school clothes without spending a lot.

9.  Keep kid gear simple and affordable.

10.  Cut out dairy, but still enjoy dessert.

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"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise."

                                                                   -Ephesians 5:15 (NIV)
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In what ways are you striving to live wisely?

Adding a Pet to Our Family: Introducing...Mocha!

Exactly one month ago, we welcomed a beautiful addition to our family.  She's a year old already, and her name is Mocha.

Though I was a little reluctant to have another body in the house to feed and care for, she's been a good fit for our family.  As a young girl, I always wished for a cat of my own; as an adult I thought a pet would cost more money and energy than it was worth.  I was wrong about that.  My husband, who grew up with pets, knew she would be good for the kids.  Though I won't ever be sending her to a pet spa, we're very glad she's become a part of our home and family.

10 Honest Critiques to Consider

 

 

1.  "Mom, can I sit in your big fat lap?"  

                --asked by my son this morning

2.  "You always make such delicate sculptures in the fridge." 

                --daughter #1

3.  "Why do you like to sit at your computer 
       so much?" 

                --daughter #1

4. "Can I snuggle with you?" 

                --both daughters


5. "I couldn't find any socks." 

                --both daughters and husband


6.   "What are you doing?"

       me: "I'm fixing my hair." daughter #2: "Is it broken?"


7.  "Let's make our house as clean as Mrs.  

       ____well's today!" 

                --daughter #2


8.  "I hate riding in the car!  Why can't we walk home 
         every day?" 

                --daughter #1


9. "Can you erase the chore chart so I can check off 
     my chores?  

                --daughter #1


10. "Can I take a bath tonight?" 

                --daughter #1

Do you have any quotes from children

that have prompted laughter and/or dismay?

 

Going Under the Hood: Installing a New Auto Battery

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With the new year approaching, it's time for "out with the old, in with the new."  And I experienced the perfect object lesson recently.  Subzero weather, relentless city driving, and leaving lights on here and there all conspired to drain the battery in our minivan just before Thanksgiving.  My kindly father took me to purchase a battery charger and we were good to go again!  And then we weren't.   Just a few weeks later, the old battery went "kaput." So said the mechanic who looked at it.

Lessons?  Ah yes, there were several.

• First, I should have charged the battery more often after it had been drained.  It may have frozen because I didn't keep it well-charged. 

• Second, we were able to manage without our second vehicle for almost two weeks.  I've always been convinced that owning a car is a luxury.  Owning two vehicles seems positively extravagant.  This incident demonstrated that we can indeed get by with "just" one car.  Also, I recognized the benefits of not filling my calendar with activities during this time of year.  I'm not a homebody by nature and prefer to be out and about.  However, it was nice not to have the pressure of having to be anywhere beyond our own neighborhood most of the time.

• Third, I learned a lot about auto batteries, including how to take one out and install a new one.  Thank you, real mechanics in eHow videos!  Rather than jump-start the minivan, I decided to take out the old battery and bring the suspect battery to Sam's Club.  There I had it tested and bought a new battery, which I installed at home myself.

While I begrudge the fact that we own two vehicles (resource-gobbling money pits that they are!), I am thankful to have learned more about how to maintain them.  The last time we had a dead battery in the other car, I simply called AAA.  They sent a tow truck, and after a jump start, I drove the car to a garage where they installed a new battery for me.  But it was so much more satisfying to do the job myself this time!  Kind of makes me want to walk around with a mechanic's swagger, though really I'm just a clueless wannabe.

It also seems that these battery episodes can be interpreted as a metaphor.  Numerous attempts to recharge my depleted inner resources have failed.  I need to swap out what's "old and busted" for new power, obtained from the Source of life, strength, and everlasting joy.

Are you mechanically inclined?

Have you ever felt utterly drained? 

Cheering My Children on in Their Passions

My oldest daughter loves to run; I do not.  In May, my three children and I ran a one-mile fun run together.  The experience reminded me more completely why I dislike running--the constant pounding of limbs and joints, the uncomfortable rise in body temperature, and at my age, too many jiggling parts.  Give me a smooth bike ride over a jog any day.

This fall, along came another opportunity for my first grader to run; we knew we had to make sure she could participate.  Unlike the last fun run though, my middle daughter and son stayed with me on the sidelines to cheer their older sister on to the finish line.  I took pictures.  In all the excitement I forgot to check her time when she crossed the finish line.  However, speed was not the point.  She finished the one-mile cross-country run and enjoyed it.  We celebrated and came home with a pumpkin to boot!

My challenge to figure out how to encourage each of my children in their passions remains.  Some talents and interests lie undiscovered.  Other passions, like my middle daughter's enthusiasm for storytelling, have been obvious from a young age, and are easy for her to practice on a daily basis. 

Since my kids are all currently under the age of seven, many years of discovery and growth are still to come.  Where their interests do not overlap with mine (as in running), I know I will be stretched as a parent.  Yet it is also fun to see how our inclinations diverge; I can enjoy learning how to support and encourage them in their differing strengths.  We might participate together as a team or, like last weekend's Pumpkin Run, I may step aside to watch my child beam with satisfaction when her goal is reached.  Either way, we win.

Do any of your passions overlap with your children's?  

How do you decide which interests to let them pursue?

Sending Two to School: The First Day

One new pink lunch box for my 5-year-old, a rainbow colored backpack that my 6-year-old picked out herself, pristine white athletic shoes for one child, second hand shoes for the other, and one home haircut--these were what I prepared to send my girls to school with on the first day.  Thankfully, my two are still too young to lament that we cannot afford to dress them from head to toe in brand new fall fashions.  But does checking off my modest back-to-school shopping list mean I am actually ready to send them back to school?

Lunches packed, photos snapped, we march to school en masse.  We meander through the chaos of school children and parents, attempting to find the proper line for each daughter.  I study the parents and children that will comprise the classes for the coming year.  While I don’t know another soul in the kindergarten group, many of the first grade students and parents I recognize as acquaintances and friends. The bell rings, and into the building the classes file, following their teachers’ enthusiastic faces.  What remains outside on the school lawn is a mother and preschool-aged son unsure of what to do all day.  We return home without the ringleaders of our usual at-home circus of three.

The hours pass slowly and quietly until it is time to return to the school grounds. I am eager to find out what transpired in their new classrooms.  At the sound of the final bell, out stream the multi-hued flocks of children.  Will I spy my kindergartner first, or will she spot me? 

I hone in on her searching eyes.  Our reunion begins as she races to clasp her arms around me.  She’s both excited and worn out from her long day.  She treasures her pink lunch box and already has a new friend (whose name she doesn’t yet remember).  Next comes my first grader.  Confidently she relays tidbits from the day, comparing and contrasting what happened with last year’s kindergarten memories.

We chatter all the way home as we walk.  I marvel at how suddenly this day came upon me.  No, I wasn’t quite ready to send them off again.  But my daughters not only have their parents, they also have each other to help with the adjusting, growing, and learning to come these next nine months.  The bonds that were strengthened this summer between parent and child, sister and sister, will continue to buoy them as their days at school unfold.  And with ready arms and ears I will return to meet my girls each day, mindful of my crucial tasks--to listen, pray, love, and be a steadfast mother that helps each of my three children blossom.

Join me for Company Girl coffee today to connect with other women and their stories.

Menu Plan for the Week of 5/17 with a Sprinkle of Good News

In the interest of keeping things simple, I am pulling most of my ideas from the family meals in the June issue of All You.  After being away for most of last week, I am eager to have a quick plan for this week's meals.

Another fun magazine also arrived recently--the June issue of Better Homes and Gardens. I received a complimentary copy because I made the honor roll in their monthly recipe contest.  Though my recipe was not published, I do plan to whip up my Ginger-Peach Spice Ice Cream Sandwiches this week to celebrate this recognition of creative effort.  Can you tell that I am externally motivated?

Here is this week's attempt to bring some order to each day:

Monday - Baked Pasta with Peas, Cheese, and Ham
Tuesday - Corn Chowder with Shrimp
Wednesday - Venison Steaks with Tomato  Bread Salad
Thursday - Seafood Risotto
Friday- Cold Sesame Noodles
Saturday - Tilapia and Rice


Lunches: Stuffed avocados, egg salad sandwiches, pigs in a blanket, pancakes, pita sandwiches, leftovers

Attempted in April: 4 Challenges

Warmer weather and sunshine have invigorated me this month and helped me have more of a "can do" attitude.  So I decided to dive in to several online challenges.  While I was at it, I connected with a friend on Facebook and we decided to add one more.  Here's the rundown of endeavors:

1. The Great Outdoor Challenge

For this challenge, my kids and I were supposed to spend time outdoors every day and take photos.  I decided to post most of the pictures on my Facebook page, but here is one shot from last week:

This week we've been outdoors most days but have not snapped any photos.

2. Make Week

Trying turn off the T.V. last week was a helpful experiment. I don't watch any T.V. on a regular basis myself, so this was more of a parenting challenge.  Megan at SortaCrunchy shared very similar conclusions about how dependent we have become on an electronic device for dealing with children.

Our family made it for two and a half days without T.V. until I relented.  My daughters were not feeling well and could not play outside, so we let them watch some videos while they rested.  And then it was back to our old habits of letting kids watch videos while I make dinner, shower, etc. 

3. Project: Spring Green

My goal was to get my garden started.  Well, it's about halfway ready and no seeds have been planted yet. But we will finish planting soon.  Yes, we will!

4.  Early Dinner Prep

My friend and I were lamenting how wretched it is to start preparing dinner at 5 p.m. with cranky kids (and Mama).  So I asked her if she wanted to check in later in the week.  Our goal: to see if we could both make and eat dinner earlier.

On my third night of trying, we finally succeeded in sitting down to eat before 6:00 p.m.  It was wonderful!  There was also the sweetness of knowing that a friend of mine who has similar struggles to my own was tackling this issue with me.

An even bigger challenge for me is to turn a singular triumph into a habit. I'm not seeking to become a supermama.  But by God's grace, I believe long-term change is possible.  And on the way greater fruitfulness, I have found it sure is nice to get a little encouragement from my friends.

An anxious heart weighs a man down,

but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25 

 

Daring to Dream

My dream for the future:

I will sleep 8 hours a night, start the day an hour before my kids awake, spend more time reading books than blogs, scrapbook, get outside every morning, have a company-ready house by each day's end and have people over almost every week.

That was my response to a thought provoking post this week inquiring "what's your dream?"  For me to answer that has not been easy.  My husband sometimes asks me "what do you want?", meaning what do I want enough to motivate me to action.  I haven't had a good answer (or any answer) to that for far too long.  

After living abroad for several years and starting our family there, I returned with my husband and daughters in 2006 to start a new chapter.  But how? Honestly, it has been like starting from scratch. And somewhere along the way I stopped believing the truths in the song "I am a Promise" that I grew up singing.

One way "I am tryin' to make the right choices" again is through making to-do lists for the day.  The results haven't been wonderful, but days that I have a list to guide me are generally better than days that don't. Here's yesterday's list:

There are three headings: What is Right and Seemly So to Do, What Would Be Nice to Do, and Temptations to Resist.  This format evolved from an earlier two-column format like this:

If I could, with God's help, accomplish the most important priorities, I believe my dream would be within reach.  I want my dream to be in line with His, and that's only possible when I let Him fill my life.

Do you have a dream for your life right now?

This post is also linked to Messy Monday at Moms in Need of Mercy.

Like a Dormant Branch Awaiting Spring

Have you ever found yourself doing the very things you resolved you never would?  This month I was reflecting on lessons I had learned from my worst teachers and wrote a piece entitled My Worst Teachers: Lessons They Taught a Future Educator.   But shortly after completing the article I was convicted.   The awful tendencies that I noticed in my most unhelpful teachers could sometimes be said of me.  I was making the same mistakes I tried so hard to avoid!  They were not as characteristic of me, I think, when I was in the classroom, but rather, in my current profession of household management and raising my children.

I used to write book reviews on EFL teacher resource books.   Now I realize I must take my former zeal for professional development and apply it to my current occupation.  To grow now, one thing I should be doing is reading and reviewing books to spur my professional development as a parent and keeper of the home.

                           

There are two books that spring to mind immediately.  The Preschooler’s Busy Book, by Trish Kuffner, is a resource book of activities that I ordered recently and received two days ago.  Another book, Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional, Professional Motherhood, by Jamie Martin, is still on my high priority wish list.  I hope to read and benefit from these books soon.  Meanwhile, we already have several parenting books that my exemplary husband has read in recent years.  They are on the shelf waiting for me.

Obviously, a lack of resources is not the reason for my stagnation.  There are certainly reasons though. It was easier, for example, to manage one child.  Now my “class size” has ballooned to three.  Other factors involve my own poor choices.  And some unfavorable circumstances are not under my control.  But the same is true in a classroom setting.  

What I sought to do as a teacher was press on, learn from my mistakes, and pursue excellence.  I read books, attended conferences, and kept a teaching journal.  These growth activities were for my own fulfillment and for the benefit of those I was seeking to influence.  My challenge now is to apply many of these same strategies to my work in the home as I serve my family.   

If it seemed for a time that you were “getting nowhere”, what were some of the means that helped you to get back on the path of growth and fruitfulness?

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 3:13-14

Works in Progress

Today I rejoiced to see hordes of robins hungrily scavenging among the damp leaves.   The snow is finally starting to recede.  Spring is near!  This week we've been celebrating Dr. Seuss by reading many of our recently neatened books, and we've started to decorate for St. Patrick's Day.

Insights Worth Sharing

In recent days I have also been challenged by several excellent points from other women; so I will direct you to them.

1.  On the temptation of the internet
I urgently needed to hear this perspective from Cheryl, at Moms In Need of Mercy.  I never realized how closely the time I spend on the computer is linked to my level of contentment.  If you read just one of these posts I am recommending, this would be the one!

2.  On the necessity of pruning roses (and more)
Here I read an exquisite illustration of the necessity of this counterintuitive task in a garden and in my life.  It was a perfect, timely complement to a recent lesson on John 15.

3.  On the secrets of successful homemakers
Part 1: Seven Habits of Highly Successful Homemakers
Part 2: Seven More Habits of Highly Successful Homemakers

Yes, back to my new favorite author, Cheryl.  In both parts, there are so many points that I can learn from and apply.  And I quickly understood why I am presently so unsuccessful!


A Case Study: Progress, not Perfection

Below are some of the shelves I tackled last weekend.  It was encouraging to see the progress made, though I didn't clear off every last extraneous object.  Nonetheless, to overcome the inertia and be okay with not reaching perfection is a growth step for me.  I am a true "messy perfectionist."

Now, would you like to play a little game?  Guess which photos are the "before" and which are the "after" shots.  You can check your answers by looking at "before" shots at the end of last week's post.

                                 A                                       B

                               C                                            D

                            E                                                 F

Have you been able to celebrate some progress on a project lately?  Are you seeking or finding contentment with where you are at right now?

Can Failure Lead to Happiness?

I was struck by the words of Ephesians 2:10 last weekend. It was the featured verse at a weekend retreat for women from our church. The same passage is what I had chosen on New Year's Eve as my prayer for 2010:

Image Source: R. Bowman

I am still in the process of absorbing the truths in that verse. For most of my life it has been success that motivates me. When I succeed, I feel good about life. My faulty way of thinking goes something like this:

"If I could just _______, then I'd be happy."

• be on time
• get the house clean
• enjoy more time outside
• see that person I've been meaning to call
• etc., etc...

The last few weeks in particular I have been failing spectacularly--and often. Doing things my way and striving to succeed isn't working. Yet when I look back into the past, I see many points at which God used failure to redirect me to something better and more fulfilling.

After a failed college choir audition, I wound up joining another group, where I learned the gospel song "Through God's Eyes". Some of the words I remember are:

If I looked at myself through God's eyes,
would the reflection I see be like Christ?
If I looked into God's eyes to see myself,
would his love and joy be flowing through my life?

...I want to walk hand in hand with You,
so that you can show me what I must do.
If I looked through God's eyes,
what would I see?

The undeserved blessings of my husband and children, my years learning about authentic worship--these I would not trade for any of my former ambitions. Nevertheless, I still get caught up in the quest for success. I pin my hopes on what I want to accomplish in a day, rather than asking God to "show me what I must do." How silly. He's already prepared the good works for me.

Instead of just trying to cross things off my to-do list, I need to inquire of God what he has prepared for me each day. Our agendas might might differ sharply or have much in common. But I'll never know (and have peace about my choices) if I don't ask.

Craft of the Week: A Valentine for My Superhero of a Husband (Shh..don't tell yet!)

I am married to a superhero (which isn't easy, by the way). And I thought he deserved a more masculine valentine from me this year--in 3D, no less. Cute frills and lace are not his style. Cards are more "my thing", but I thought this one might be fun to hang on his door. Maybe it will be a prelude to a real superhero gift--a DVD or poster or something funny.

I could not decide which message idea was better. "My hero" was an inscription on a conversation heart candy that I found. The words were off center however, so I flipped the candy over and rewrote the words myself with a red pencil.

"You ignite my heart" was the other statement I composed; I decided to have it be the second layer message. So after my husband removes the hero message, he'll see the second underneath, like this:


After all my waffling, I now have layered meanings and a valentine rich with symbolism. Not only does my man ignite my heart, he has to contend with a sometimes prickly companion who knows she should treat him more softly than she does.

So that will be next year's challenge--to design a valentine for my husband that is still masculine, but somehow smoother around the edges, reflecting changes in the way I relate to him.

Will you be making or getting a card for your spouse this year? What kind of design do you think men usually appreciate?

Thankful and Conflicted

Today was the second day this week that I had plans to be somewhere by 9:30 a.m. We arrived at 10:00 for our play date. Hopefully tomorrow we will be better prepared to depart on time since my daughters are starting a ballet class at 9:30 in the morning. They've been dancing for joy ever since I shared the news that I had managed to sign them up.


Immediately after the last ballet class we will, Lord willing, travel south through Kansas to Oklahoma to visit my parents and sister. The last time I was there was about six months ago, and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with them and attending church in the sanctuary where my husband and I were married.

I am thankful that my husband has decided to take my daughters to school each morning. He's away most evenings, so this is a chance for his to grab Daddy-daughter time and it makes my mornings less hectic. We also enjoyed our first candlelight dinner of the year. I surprised my husband by setting the table with porcelain plates that I found on clearance after Christmas. These plates will be used exclusively for our weekly dinners as a couple (which works well since I found a place setting for 4 and we are a family of 5).


So while we've managed to get this year off to a good start in some ways, I find myself stymied in others. Being somewhat of a contrarian, January puts me in a dilemma. I resist the cultural momentum to diet and make resolutions because that's what everyone else is busy promoting. But in fact I do want and need to be transformed. However, in my case, willpower and self-discipline will not accomplish much. So I come to God helpless and humbled, hopeful that he will carry on his work in me. Whatever good changes happen this year will not come from my strength of will, they will be wrought by Him.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

"...it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

Philippians 2:13 (ESV)

Of Birthdays and Beanstalks: Reaping What We Have Sown

The birthday bean debacle, it turned out later, was a mitigated (as opposed to unmitigated) disaster. While not fun at the time, those beans showed me something. They humbled me, like the mother in the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk, or the naysaying parents in Crockett Johnson’s book, The Carrot Seed. “Will the beans grow?” No, was my arrogant reply to my five-year-old daughter’s hopeful query. About a week later guess who was the first to notice and identify the clusters of bean seedlings that had sprung up in the lawn?















We transplanted a handful of bean seedlings to areas of the yard that would not be mowed, including the sparsely planted garden box. Despite my husband’s plan to mow the bean plants down, fate intervened. The task of mowing (which I actually enjoy) fell to me. I mowed most, but not all of the remaining bean plants, chopping them to smithereens. Three plants I spared, leaving them standing in the middle of the lawn. A few more seeds have sprouted since.















Another lesson for me. Parsley reminded me that hardship and perseverance can yield growth (see the earlier post from November 2008). These beans evoked the parable of the sower that Jesus told, with the final results still unknown. And they also admonished me: I was too quick to quash the curious hopes of a child’s optimism. And I had to admit to my daughter that I was wrong.

Am I Not As Happy as I Used to Be?

"The chief cause of unhappiness is giving up what you want most for what you want at the moment."

This truth, uttered by Zig Ziglar, resembles the question I try to ask myself often throughout the day. Is what I am doing right now the best choice I can make for our family?

Too frequently I am distracted into doing what I feel like doing when I have half a chance. After all, my children require much from me throughout the day, from the moment the first one wakes up in the morning. My time is not my own. I thought that it was my own before I had a family, but even then I was wrong. I'll have to give an account to God for every word, every action, every opportunity that I missed or took to do the right thing, the best thing.

Honestly, I would much rather go online and/or put my thoughts in writing than tackle the dirty dishes in the sink. But an orderly home that is welcoming to my family and others is more important. I know this, and putting my knowledge into action is not so natural and easy. Samantha's insights on this phenomenon certainly apply to me as well.

Even good things like helping others or giving gifts can become self-serving if I neglect more important priorities. In my zeal to accomplish something good for others (outside my family), I have let push the needs of my husband and children aside. Especially at Christmas I think this is a temptation for busy parents.

Focusing on my family doesn't necessarily mean I have to wear myself out with Christmas shopping or other activities. It may mean just the opposite. Perhaps the best gift to them for a holiday like Christmas is for me to slow down. If I let go of the extra activities and pressing tasks I'd like to do, there would be time to appreciate the blessings we already have.

So off I should go, to locate some missing toy pieces and shine my sink. Funny, those are the same goals I had yesterday.

What the Parsley Teaches Me

It is the end of November and snow is starting to fall. After ripping out the last of the garden--a lifeless tomato plant and some frost-shriveled marigolds--I thought it was done until spring. Only an empty plot of soil remained. Then last week, amongst the dead leaves, I spotted some green. Something was growing, despite the freezing nighttime temperatures. The parsley that I never harvested because it looked so anemic and frail all summer long now looks full of vigor. In this weather? Its hardy growth must hold a lesson somewhere. So I've been meditating and pondering. Parsley in November...

Could it be that the harsh weather that put an end to the rest of the garden somehow gave this little plant a chance to become stronger?














My grandparents lived through the Great Depression. The adversities they faced then and throughout their lives, along with their deeply-rooted faith, have doubtless shaped them to be the hardy, admirable souls they are today. They live simply, within their means. They garden. They pray. They are generous. They have been blessed with great-grandchildren and long life. When I think of my heritage, it is simple, deep, and rich. Not rich in worldly wealth, but in wisdom, joy, and wonder. My grandparents epitomize the simple path I aspire to choose. I should tell them that while I still have the chance.